The Slammin’ Salmon 2009

The Plot:  Slammin’ Cleon Salmon (Michael Clarke Duncan), the former Heavyweight Champion of the world and current owner of a high-scale Miami restaurant, has racked up a sizable gambling debt to a band of Japanese thugs. To help pay off the debt, Cleon challenges his oddball wait staff (the Broken Lizard Comedy Troupe, as well as Cobie Smulders and April Bowlby) to a contest where the top-selling server will win $10,000, while the waiter in last place gets a “broken-rib sandwich” – courtesy of the champion himself. Spurred on by greed and panic, the staff resort to backstabbing, bribery and indecent proposals in an attempt to up sell their patrons while simultaneously sabotaging their coworkers. Will Forte, Olivia Munn, and Vivica A. Fox co-star.

Overall: Let me first start off by saying, if you are a fan of Broken Lizard then this is definitely for you. I will put it on par with Super Troopers and Beerfest. It has a good blend of quirky humor as well as slap stick comedy much like the previous films this troupe has brought us. This film marks the debut of Kevin Heffernan behind the camera (all previous films being directed by Jay Chandrasekhar). He adds a little pizzaz to the film as apparent by the opening credits, and seen in the ballet/dance sequence. But he holds true to form for what we expect from Broken Lizard. The story stays quick paced and at 98 minutes it doesn’t run long. Their movies are usually made more memorable by the supporting casts around the troupe (ala Brian Cox and Bill Paxton) and again they have found a spark in Michael Clarke Duncan, playing a hybrid between a lovable George Foreman and an irrational Mike Tyson, former boxing heavyweight champ. He incites the competition between the wait staff because of a debt he owes to the Yakuza. Other cameos by Lance Henriksen, Morgan Fairchild and Vivica A. Fox make for some memorable scenes.

The cast itself each play their usual parts, led by Heffernan as the manager of the restaurant he tries to lead his wait staff to higher earning by upping the price of the competition. He plays this role very straight which works for him (as well as when he plays over the top). Steve Lemme plays a former TV actor who is fired and has to go back to working tables. Erik Stolhanske plays a self-absorbed pretty boy called Guy ‘Meatdrapes’ (as M.C.D. likes to call him). Paul Soter does double duty playing the Dave the chef and his twin brother Donnie (a bumbling bus boy). Jay Chandrasekhar steals a lot of scenes as nuts, a very straight-laced man who forgets to take his medication and becomes Mongo. The staff is rounded out by Cobie Smulders and April Bowlby who add a lot of jokes and sex things up a bit.

The cinematography is pretty standard, the movie isn’t over the top in any way so each shot is done well and works for the effect that’s needed. As i said earlier Heffernan has a little more style on his shots than in previous movies and this is self admitted by Chandrasekhar in the commentary. The film is done entirely in one location (the restaurant) but moves from the dining area, to the back rooms to Cleon’s magnificent office. The music isn’t that memorable and just serves the scenes as needed. The DVD also features 2 sets of commentary by the troupe and a featurette Hellish Kitchen: Art Imitates Restaurant Life. This movie was inspired by the real life experiences of some of the cast which makes it feel realer. I have not worked in the service industry but i can tell that where they pulled some of their inside jokes. This movie will probably be enjoyed by those who have worked in the industry. (And is a hell of a lot funnier than that Ryan Reynold’s shitter Waiting (to be entertained).

This movie is rude and crude and holds a lot of laughs. If you are into that kind of humor and a fan of Broken Lizard you will not be disappointed.  This movie didn’t get a big release in theaters so I’m sure a lot of you are waiting for it to come out on DVD. This movie definitely has re watch ability so it is worth picking up on.

4 out of 5 Mr. Burton’s

Breaking Point (2009)

The Plot: While struggling to return to a normal life after succumbing to drug addiction and dealing with a family tragedy that is hinted at but never really explained until you couldn’t give a shit.., prominent attorney Steven Luisi (Tom Berenger) takes on a high-profile murder case and soon finds himself forced to deal with his past bullshit. With the help of an ex-athlete and gang member (Sticky Fingaz), Luisi faces both police department corruption and his brutal former drug dealer (Busta Rhymes) in this shitter.

The music was not really noticeable due to horrible writing, editing, and acting. I would like to point out that if this same music was used in another movie that it would most likely be good.

The cinematography was ok for the most part. Good film was used as well as some nice dissolves. The camera work was not a part of this movies problem. Kudos to the cameraman and his crew.

The acting was much like a bad day time soap opera. Forced lines, flat emotion…the list goes on. To be honest I think Sticky Fingaz was the most believable character in the whole picture. Its really upsetting to me, I’m a big Tom Berenger fan, but I have no idea what happened to him over the years.

The effects were few and far between, and when they were used, they were the worst Sci-Fi Original CGI’ed gunshot wounds that I have ever seen. Directors: please do not do this in the future!!! It looks so bad it ruins the whole scene.

Overall this film was a big disappointment. I would not waste your time with it. If you’re looking for some good police/court dramas, standard TV has plenty that are better then this. What’s worse then a poorly written big budget courtroom drama?…A poorly written low budget courtroom drama. Avoid

 1 Out of 5 Crom’s

Stefon Harris and Blackout – Urbanus

The Lowdown: Stefon Harris and Blackout make their Concord Jazz debut with the highly anticipated release of Urbanus, available August 25^th 2009. Heralded as “one of the most important young artists in jazz” (The Los Angeles Times) Stefon Harris brings to Concord Jazz the passionate artistry and astonishing virtuosity that have propelled him into the forefront of the current jazz scene. Urbanus features Blackout, a scintillating ensemble as versed in modern jazz as it is with rhythms, melodies and soundscapes associated with R&B, pop, hip-hop and funk.

The sound is very interesting and impressive, but at times it did get annoying. I have no idea why, but in parts of some songs it was as if they stole Peter Frampton’s talk box, and just started going apeshit with it. This kinda got on my nerves cause it didint really flow with the music. A handfull of songs sounded pretty traditional, but most of them were of a new urban acid jazz type. I have to say…I wasint totally discouraged and will most likely listen to it a couple more times at least.

I Sell the Dead (2008)

The Plot: In this winner of the Slamdance Film Festival Best Cinematography Award, an 18th-century grave robber facing the guillotine confesses his sins to a priest, revealing a life filled with supernatural high jinks. Directed by Glenn McQuaid, the macabre comedy stars Dominic Monaghan as the doomed digger and Ron Perlman as the cleric, and the supporting cast includes Larry Fessenden as the robber’s ghoulish cohort.

The music was very fitting to this type of flim. The opening song kinda reminded me of the opening music of ‘The Re-Animator’, It set a great mood to start the film off with. There was some other Irish drinking song used in the bar scene that made me want to drink a pint or ten. Other then that, some background music here and there set up the scenes well.

The cinematography was fun to watch, mostly due to a couple of nice tricks with the camera that I haven’t seen done much in other movies. The film quality looked a bit grainy, I’m not sure if this was intentionally done, but it really added to the overall feel of the movie. A lot of dissolves were used throughout the picture to keep the story flowing along.

The acting was excellent. Dominic Monaghan portrayed the witty grave robbing bastard with seemingly little effort while Ron Perlman did the sarcastic, gallows humored holy man justice. The chemistry between the two of them conversing was interesting enough to hold your attention. Larry Fessenden had a filthy look with an accent to match. As some of the accents spoken by the characters are so authentically thick, you need to pay close attention or you’ll miss out.

The effects impressed me with quality sets, costumes, and top notch makeup. I could have done without the CGI’d throwing knife in one scene. It wasn’t too bad but it did take away just a little something from a great movie. There was another CGI scene that was good…but the shots were so prolonged that it showed too many flaws. All the undead looked awesome…really dusty old and crusty corpse’s that were a great treat to watch on film.

Overall: I did enjoy watching this movie. It was like a Hammer film with some traces of ‘Evil Dead 2’ mixed into it. The slap stick humor made for some good chuckles at times. At other times, the dialog did start going flat, but was saved by a much needed scene change. If you like a little humor with your horror, this would be a good fit…you sick wanka.

3 ½ Out of 5 Crom’s

The Baader Meinhof Complex A.K.A: Der Baader Meinhof Komplex (2008)

The Plot: Uli Edel directs this Boring Foreign Language Film Oscar nominee charting the birth of West Germany’s Red Army Faction, a radical whiney bunch of left-wing terrorists formed in the late 1960s amid a climate of revolution and a fallen generation. Staging a series of bombings, kidnappings and assassinations, the RAF waged a war against fascism with a direct assault against the powers of American imperialism and the fledgling German democracy.

The music was very high paced, even with some slower plodding scenes; this gave a sense of urgency in the parts of the film that needed it. In a strange way it almost reminded me of the recurring theme music from “The Untouchables” movie.

The cinematography was well done in my opinion. The angles were mostly your standard, decent quality film, but what I really loved was the picture quality. It gave me flashbacks of all those classic 60’s flicks with its slightly faded look. This was one of the better qualities of the movie.                                                                                                               

The acting was good for the most part. Most of the film language was in German with English subtitles, so it was a little difficult to really pin point the quality of the acting. With this type of film you have to rely on the body language, and from what I saw it was very convincing.

The effects were few and far between in this movie, unless you count topless scenes as an effect. In that case this is your type of movie since most of the girls in it are naked for about 1/4 of the film. A few bombings and assassinations show some action, but nothing to write home about.

Overall this movie tended to drag on, and on for me. You’ll want to do some research on the Red Army Faction if your even thinking about watching this. The director pulls no punches in getting right into it the storyline without much leading up, but then stalls a few times making me wish that the government would just over throw these rebels already and end this film. You also might not even want to watch it since its political message is very strong and tends to lean hard to the left. I found myself not really caring for the main characters due to not agreeing with there methods, and in turn, it made the movie longer. If you are attracted to political revolutionary causes then maybe you’ll dig this more then I did. Otherwise you might want to skip this snoozer.

2 Out of 5 Crom’s

Elsewhere (2009)

The Plot: Jillian (hot chick of Still Waiting fame) & Sarah (I don’t know who she is at all) are a mismatched pair of teenage girls in a small town off the coast of East Bumblephukke, Indiana on the planet ThisMovieSuxAnus located in the universe BeeelowMe. Goth girls and the like full of teen angst have gone missing over the years (they will not be missed) and when Sarah’s shallow friend Jillian becomes one of the unfortunate cybersex victims, she teams up with an unsuspecting Google geek named Jasper (I had a dog named Jasper, he had more personality) and uses him to find her friend and the others. The movie is filmed to give you the impression that something of supernatural origin is the antagonist, (with Tool music video effects and lighting that will send epileptic’s everywhere into a fit), but the reality is far more lackluster.

The music was used few and far between, it relied solely on the dialogue and acting to set the mood. When it was played it was softly dark and ominous, the stuff of a Saturday afternoon ‘USA Network ‘movie.

The cinematography was okay for the genre and met my expectations for a movie of this caliber. (And that ain’t sayin’ much.)

The acting didn’t seem to be a stretch for the cast, they probably have been in character all their teen years, and it wouldn’t surprise me. At the very least they have gone to school with the types portrayed and it is very easy for them to mimic. I found it painful to watch because I have a 15 year old who tries her damndest to be something that she’s not, so it’s all too familiar.

The effects were a sham because, again, this movie had nothing to do with how it was portrayed. There was no evil cult of Satan worshippers, no rip in the gateway between Hell and Earth, etc., So congratulations cameraman for finding the Evil Dead macro button on the underbelly of the camera, but it wasn’t needed for this movie.

Overall: this movie was not even worthy of the Blu Ray format. So I got to see a piss poor plot and Pine Bush High acting in high definition. Big frickin whoop. In the immortal words of Gorilla Monsoon, “Gimme a break, Brain.”

1 out of 5 “Hiya Georgie’s”

Baby on Board (2008)

The Plot: Power couple Angela (Heather Graham) and Curtis (Jerry O’Connell) have a seemingly flawless marriage, but a surprise pregnancy could end up turning their carefully ordered world upside down in this sad attempt at humor. Between their annoying as all hell best friends (John Corbett and Katie Finneran) and Angela’s botox boss (Lara Flynn Boyle), the perfect pair could end up imploding before the bundle of joy’s even born.

The music was some kind of annoying shitty jazz/bass fusion that played after almost every scene. If it wasn’t that, it was the lame piano music from hell at any given tender moment. Toss in some no name cock rock songs and you have yourselves a bad sound track.

The cinematography was your usual single placement camera angles that seem to work with this type of movie. I can’t say that it’s bad or great, but it was ok for the most part and I’m getting tired ripping on this flick.

The acting landed flat in this poor attempt at cinema. When the, so-called, comedy is mixed with awkward arguments that someone thought was funny, it never turns out good. The lines seemed forced and I’ve seen better drama in movies played during my 8^th grade health class.

The effects were kinda lame, even for a comedy. The saggy balls site gag looked like a dogs chew toy.

Overall: First off, let me just start by saying that Jerry O’Connell is the poor mans Jason Bateman, and this movie was the poor mans “Knocked Up”.  It just didn’t have much going for it right from the start, and never picked up. I could see a chick thinking that this movie was “Cute”, but that about it.

1 ½ Out of 5 Crom’s

Ralphie May: Austin-tatious (2008)

 

The Plot: Comedian Ralphie May, voted one of Variety‘s 10 Comics to Watch in 2008, brings his outrageous, politically incorrect stand-up to a sold-out Texas audience in this comedy special, recorded live at Austin’s historic Paramount Theatre. An equal-opportunity insulter, funnyman May keeps the laughs coming in waves with his hilarious take on everything from racially mixed audiences to hot empanadas — and everything in between.

 

Overall this comedy set was pretty good. Ralphie had a good amount of hilarious lines that kept me laughing hard. Some of the bits were a little long winded, but they were cut up well with really good moments. If you enjoy watching stand-up acts, and you are up on some key phrases of the times, then I would defiantly suggest checking this one out.

 

3 Out of 5 Crom’s

Gigantic (2008)

The Plot: Unhappy with his life, mattress salesman Brian Weathersby (Paul Dano) pursues his lifelong obsession with adopting an infant from China. But when attractive customer Harriet (Zooey Deschanel) catches his eye, he starts pursuing her as well. Soon, Harriet’s boisterous father (John Goodman) and Brian’s parents (Ed Asner and Jane Alexander) become involved in their relationship, pushing them to take action in this quirky and really strange romantic comedy.

The music came in like a lion and went out like a mouse. The intro song was ‘Brooklyn King’ preformed by Masta Killa which was a great way to start off the movie. After that it kinda died off and got really light with a majority of scenes that didn’t even have any music at all.

The cinematography was your average, run of the mill type camera work for the most part. It wasn’t anything spectacular, and wasn’t horrible ether. A handful of strange angles were used that were short and therefore not too annoying at all.

The acting was pretty good. The characters were well played and their interaction kept me interested. At times this wavered a bit due to the overall bizarre script that they were confined to. I personally enjoyed Ed Asner’s character as the father. His old school ways made his comments pretty damn amusing.

The effects were non-existent during this film. Even during the scene where mushrooms were consumed which is surprising but refreshing for a modern film.

Overall this was a strange film with some bizarre conversations and actions by the characters. I couldn’t tell if they were trying to be funny at parts because it was really dry for the most part. I really didn’t get what was up with the bearded homeless man that was stalking the main character for the entire film. It seemed as if they were trying to use this as an engine to drive the main character, but it kinda fell flat.

2 ½ Out of 5 Crom’s

Miracle at St. Anna (2008)

 

The Plot: During World War II, four black American soldiers find there asses trapped in a Tuscan village surrounded by Nazi’s. As they attempt to evade German forces and reunite with their comrades, the four experience firsthand the tragedy and triumph of war and life as well. Based on the acclaimed novel by James McBride and directed by Spike Lee, this epic war film stars Laz Alonso, Derek Luke, John Turturro, Omar Benson Miller and Michael Ealy.

 

The music was a well done classic score fitting for a movie that’s time line ranges from the 40’s to the 80’s. All of it was done by orchestra or small ensemble and sounded good. This made the moods for most of the scenes stick well. My only problem was during the first battle scene the tone of the music just didn’t fit as good as it could have. I’m sure this was done intentionally but I didn’t care for it.

 

The cinematography was difficult to gage. I loved the type of film that was used; it was slightly grainy which was perfect for this style film. The scenes were shot in a standard format for the most part. There were a handful of moments that had some slow motion effects. The edit for some of these moments didn’t quite line up correctly, almost like Spike was trying to get a message across but it just didn’t fit together, other then that I really loved it.

 

The acting was well done. Each character really defined themselves in their individuality. The drama in some scenes was real so I have to give it up to them. There interaction was strange to watch at first but it was definitely true for the situation that they were in.

 

The effects were done in a very realistic way. They did have a good amount of limbs blown off and they didn’t hold back in showing them. There were also lot of people getting shot throughout the film; Spike wanted the audience to know that war is truly hell, and I believe that he has succeeded.

 

Overall some of the scenes were over stylized in my opinion, with sets that looked way to artistic to be realistic for this timeline. This was mainly done with how the Nazi’s were portrayed in a hand full of scenes. As I kept watching the film I was able to overlook those things and realize that it was just the style Lee was going for. I have to say that aside from two battle scenes it’s not for people that are just looking for a violent war drama; it actually has a good story to go along with it.

 

3 Out of 5 Crom’s